00:00:00.000 - 00:00:23.680

We found yesterday that we learned a whole lot from each other in the group and had a very diverse group of counselors and psychologists, college professors, all types of people. But actually about half of the group said they were parents and they wanted to get some help for their own parenting.

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And I'm sure in the group today we've got a variety of reasons for your being here. Some of you are parents and you won't help yourself or what you're going to have to go home and face tonight and Others are here so that you can help other families. There's a difference between parenting and family enrichment and a big difference there I

00:00:42.960 - 00:01:02.620

Don't do anything in the area of family enrichment. I work in the area of parenting and child development Family enrichment has a lot to do with marriage Enrichment has a lot to do with interpersonal communications with couples Parenting is a different subject altogether

00:01:02.620 - 00:01:22.420

There is a way several different ways that people become parents first of all by Biological means they become parents. They give birth to children through procreation second way is by adoption They acquire them in that way

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The third way would be through certain family circumstances where a grandparent might become a parent again because the children have given Their child over to the grandparent another way that I'm finding very frequent today as parenting by accumulation They hadn't really planned on those children being in their home

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Maybe it's a neighbor's kid or maybe they just got it in some way some of you know people who are who parent by accumulation Growing up in South Carolina. I knew a lot of families who just accumulated children they weren't theirs and it just happened that way and My association with many black families in Charleston

00:02:01.040 - 00:02:25.120

They accumulated children in that neighborhood and that community much more than other people that I knew Then you would say it's at your aunt and no, it's not your aunt. That's your mother. No, it's not your mother It's just the person I live with kind of like I'm vain with them because my parents didn't want that responsibility You heard the lecture last evening. You know that that's more or less a biblical model. So

00:02:25.120 - 00:02:46.320

That's another way that people become parents and everywhere that I go People really do want help with parenting. They want to know what do they do to be good parents? They feel like they've been given this by God, which they hear a lot from the pulpit, and now what do they do with it?

00:02:46.320 - 00:03:07.640

They don't have any training at all. A popular song in the 60s said that the parenting career is the most important one of all. How sad that only amateurs attempt it. Boy, that's true because no one is prepared to go into it no matter how they get there. A lady told me that she's been a parent for 36 years and I said, "Well,

00:03:07.640 - 00:03:33.600

I imagine you have good experience in knowing the right thing to do and she said no I've done it wrong for 36 years There's a difference between experience and know-how and a lot of people have experience doing things many many many years But doing it the wrong way and they haven't learned quite yet from some of those mistakes Experience doesn't say that you you're doing it right or that you know how to do it the right way or can teach someone to

00:03:33.600 - 00:03:45.320

Do it another point In this matter is that when people come to a parenting conference a parenting weekend They have usually come with one question

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Just one question in mind. They want to know what they're going to do with their kid in a certain situation They will usually come when their children are actually giving them grief at home That's when you can really get them You don't have a lot of preventive parents who come to say, "I want to come this weekend

00:04:07.560 - 00:04:18.040

or to this workshop to learn what I can do to prevent things from happening later on down the road." That's why it's difficult to get couples who do not have children to come to parenting workshops.

00:04:18.040 - 00:04:29.680

It's very difficult. You know, if you've asked how many of you are expecting to have children one day, they're usually not there in your group. So people come because they're having a specific problem.

00:04:29.680 - 00:04:42.760

And those of you who do parenting workshops, you know that when you ask if there are any questions, the questions are usually about like this. I have a three-year-old, and when she goes to bed at night,

00:04:42.760 - 00:04:55.100

she just cries and cries and cries to come to bed. It's a very specific question, and they want a very specific answer. And then when you say, "I can't answer that

00:04:55.100 - 00:05:02.420

"because number one, I don't know what your home is like. "Number two, I have never met your daughter. Number three, I don't know what you do. I don't know you.

00:05:02.420 - 00:05:12.740

I'm just standing here in front of you that way. They want specifics and they're dissatisfied with that. And so some of the things that I will show you today gives those specific answers.

00:05:12.740 - 00:05:23.780

Others present a philosophy and others are just good resource material that you pull a few things from here and there. Out of our group today, how many of you are parents

00:05:23.780 - 00:05:31.100

and your reason for being here is because you want help just in your own home? That's your sole reason for being here. Okay?

00:05:31.100 - 00:05:36.500

- Partial reason. - Partial reason, okay? Good. Okay, good.

00:05:36.500 - 00:05:46.500

Several parents here. How many of you are professionals in a non-parent professional in a helping profession like a chaplain or a minister

00:05:46.500 - 00:05:55.460

or a psychologist, a counselor, you work with a public school perhaps. How many of you are in that profession? What?

00:05:55.460 - 00:06:05.660

You qualified that as non-parent but? Right, I qualified that as non-parent but. How many of you fall into both categories? You're parent and professional, okay?

00:06:05.660 - 00:06:11.360

Good. What do you do? You all look like you can't decide. I'm director of children's ministry at the church.

00:06:11.360 - 00:06:17.660

Okay. Boy, I know what that's like. And parent too. Okay, good.

00:06:17.660 - 00:06:24.560

Is there anyone else who's just here in the basement because you thought this was a free room or something like that? You may have just dropped in.

00:06:24.560 - 00:06:58.700

Well, okay. All right, good. Yeah, yes ma'am. [inaudible] Okay, good. I'm glad that you're here. Let's Anyone else do something doing something weird that do something specific

00:06:58.700 - 00:07:16.320

Like that that you really wanted some specific help on Okay Good She's only sick

00:07:16.320 - 00:07:22.280

She's growing up engine boy Boy. - It's given time to go. - Good, okay.

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- I have a daughter with five children, but he has a grandchild who is going to live with me. So I'm having a parent. That is a problem.

00:07:32.200 - 00:07:40.960

- That is a problem, right? You thought you were done. A lot of grandparents that I talk to who have acquired, being a parent again,

00:07:40.960 - 00:07:50.960

acquired a child, their number one frustration is we were finished with that. And they take, just like brand new parents again, they go through a period of adjusting

00:07:50.960 - 00:08:00.980

to being a parent once more. It's like they've never done that before. And I say, well, you're right, you've never done it before in that situation.

00:08:00.980 - 00:08:14.480

Because now you don't actually have free reign like you did with your own biological children. Now you have two people who are there in the background somewhere that you think, you know,

00:08:14.480 - 00:08:22.800

are supporting you in everything you do, but sometimes you're not so sure. And so there's a factor in there that can cause some problems sometimes

00:08:22.800 - 00:08:34.700

and also will really enhance that relationship. I did a survey with a group that's studying parenting, and we surveyed over 250 churches. If you want the exact number,

00:08:34.700 - 00:08:49.720

it's a survey of 274 churches. And I have some statistical information for you that I broke down into just some facts. The number one question on the survey is what do you do in your church, through your church

00:08:49.720 - 00:09:09.680

ministry, to encourage effective parenting? And just in response to the survey, I got a lot of answers about family enrichment because they didn't know the difference between parenting and family enrichment. I got a lot of those answers, and so what you will see here are the right answers to

00:09:09.680 - 00:09:23.760

the wrong questions or vice versa. I asked what do you do in this area and then I asked another specific question about overall what do you do about family enrichment. We encompassed every major denomination in Texas.

00:09:23.760 - 00:09:47.160

This also is interesting enough included a group of 15 Methodist churches around Lexington, Kentucky, which voluntarily responded to this through a professor at Asbury there and their responses are in this also and a group of Presbyterians around Boulder, Colorado also responded to the survey. So I think we have a wide group responding to this. This is out

00:09:47.160 - 00:10:07.560

of every major ethnic group also. And so I've given you the most frequently used methods for family enrichment in churches today based on this group, which is a representative group. The number one thing that most churches do about family enrichment was nothing. Out of those who responded to the survey, the majority said, who responded, said we don't do anything.

00:10:07.560 - 00:10:21.400

We have never done anything and we probably won't do anything. That was a very frequent answer. We don't do anything in the area. And when you think about what most churches are doing, if you are from a church that's

00:10:21.400 - 00:10:39.720

doing something, you are in the minority. By virtue of being here, you represent a minority of people. Those churches, people who did not respond to the survey, when we did a follow-up call, They said we didn't respond because we couldn't answer any of the questions.

00:10:39.720 - 00:10:53.320

We don't do anything in that area. So I thought that was our most significant factor in the whole survey. Most people don't do anything. But those who do something in the area of parenting and family enrichment, the number

00:10:53.320 - 00:11:05.840

two factor, the thing that they said was that they do weekend workshops. Not an overnight, but a Friday night, a Saturday morning. That was the most frequent. I was kind of surprised at that.

00:11:05.840 - 00:11:22.920

Another point was they do a one Sunday emphasis, and this is an order of frequency, one Sunday emphasis on parents. Usually that was the same day that churches did a parent-child dedication or something along that line.

00:11:22.920 - 00:11:40.960

The next was a week-long emphasis where they encouraged families to do things together during the course of the week or had special workshops during the week. The next was parenting courses, most frequently taught on Sunday evenings for one hour, parenting courses.

00:11:40.960 - 00:12:04.400

The next which really came up was family retreats and out of those family retreats, the largest one that we had reported was over 600 people. The smallest one was six and I think that may have been all one family, you know, maybe the pastor's family went away for the weekend and he listed it.

00:12:04.400 - 00:12:22.200

They went out to Possum Kingdom and he listed that as a family retreat. So that was one way that they said they responded to the needs and that also got the rave reviews, best ones. The next was Sunday school materials that involved families.

00:12:22.200 - 00:12:36.560

This was most frequently answered by Southern Baptist churches saying that they used Sunday school materials that emphasized family during a certain period. Then next was special interest workshops on things like adolescence or marriage or sexuality or single parenting.

00:12:36.560 - 00:12:52.600

Some type of special interest workshop. Then the next one which I enjoyed reading this one, they call them one shot speakers. Where at one time during the year they had somebody come in and talk about families or parenting just one time.

00:12:52.600 - 00:13:04.120

Yesterday in the workshop an interesting man was here and he said I'm a one shot speaker. He said, "That's all I do is go around and speak once in a place." And I said, "How many talks do you have?" And he said, "One."

00:13:04.120 - 00:13:14.000

You know, so he can only go once. You've heard everything he has to say. He said it was good though when he went. That's nice to know.

00:13:14.000 - 00:13:32.880

Another point was seasonal emphasis on families or parenting, such as during Advent or Easter or the month of May and some denominations. So these were the most frequently used methods for family enrichment in churches today. But if you remember something from this afternoon, remember that most churches don't do anything

00:13:32.880 - 00:13:50.100

in the area. And you probably know about that. Out of those people who were doing things, we asked what materials do you use most often. And I was telling an earlier group, we started out with a very small bibliography and it

00:13:50.100 - 00:14:03.680

has grown and grown and grown and grown. There is a lot of material written today in the area of families. It's a hot topic. People are writing it frequently.

00:14:03.680 - 00:14:24.900

It comes out from a variety of people from every field, from educators, from psychologists, from ministers, from people who have had children and think that by virtue of having one, you You write a book and your experience is worth selling, which some of that is very, very valuable.

00:14:24.900 - 00:14:38.580

One of the books I read was by a mother who only had one child and the child died when the child was six. And the mother wrote almost in chronological order about all of her experience up to the time the child died.

00:14:38.580 - 00:14:52.800

And no clinical study, no educational background at all to do that. And it was interesting reading. So a lot of people are writing. So things you don't have on the bibliography,

00:14:52.800 - 00:15:05.660

and the things that I will not say today, here use this, there's a definite reason for doing that. I think there's a lot of junk in the area today. There are a lot of things that are not worth using,

00:15:05.660 - 00:15:16.920

they conflict one family model from the next. Some of it's not even biblical. Some of the things that we try, We think that's just cute and nice and sweet and great.

00:15:16.920 - 00:15:30.460

In the late '50s and 1960s, if you said that you were going to help parents to know how to potty train, they would flood to that, because potty training was the hot topic during that period.

00:15:30.460 - 00:15:40.180

If you said today that you're going to talk to parents about early reading and helping your child be a reader early in life, you'll get a lot of people.

00:15:40.180 - 00:15:53.900

That's the hot topic today. David Elkind says that early reading is the potty training today. And it is, a lot of people will come. Just like if you offer a parenting workshop on discipline with young children, they'll

00:15:53.900 - 00:16:07.740

flock in there to hear that just like you're going to explain revelation to them. What they want is the final answer for the big question. What do you do? And as Mary Lee Johns says, actually what they come to know is how hard can we spank

00:16:07.740 - 00:16:16.140

them before they get in trouble. and that was really part of what they're doing. How hard can you thank them? How far can we go with this?

00:16:16.140 - 00:16:31.920

And that's not especially meaningful. I've listed three workshops that I use most often in my programming with parents. And I want you to be familiar with these.

00:16:31.920 - 00:16:45.180

It's best if you can see this far up, if you all want to move closer, if you can get these addresses, they're good to go ahead and write and ask for information. The first one, which I believe is the most helpful

00:16:45.180 - 00:16:56.380

for parents today that we use most often, is the STEP program, or Systematic Training for Effective Parenting. Most effective.

00:16:56.380 - 00:17:08.420

Yes, ma'am. [INAUDIBLE] The workshop information probably will add to it. I think if you just look at this, this might help.

00:17:08.420 - 00:17:25.920

I'll show you what the STEP program looks like. But it is set up in workshop format. The smaller the group, sometimes the better. We found that it works best with 18 people, 9 couples in our groups.

00:17:25.920 - 00:17:42.340

It runs for a period, we're running ours now for 18 weeks. And it's, you can cut it down or you can add two. There's a lot of material and information for you to use. A lot of good tapes in the series.

00:17:42.340 - 00:18:02.060

A lot of good workshops, workbook materials, flip charts, those things. With public school systems who are doing things in the area of parenting, this is the most frequently used program. If those of you with a psychology background, you'll be interested in knowing that this

00:18:02.060 - 00:18:27.500

is based on Adler's theories and it's very Adlerian in philosophy. Years ago there was a program called PET or Parenting Effectiveness Training which was based on Carl Rogers theories and conflicted a lot with STEP. STEP and PET were published the same year and were in financial competition but now

00:18:27.500 - 00:18:45.780

more people use STEP than any other program in parenting. And it's translated now into four languages. The next one that I would recommend that we're using in my work in Arlington Independent Schools is the Family Enrichment Program, published by Humanics out of Atlanta.

00:18:45.780 - 00:18:55.060

Family Enrichment is one that I have fun with because you can add all kinds of fun things to it. We like to role play with it. We've made our own tapes.

00:18:55.060 - 00:19:15.900

We've made our own videos. not in a real packaged format like STEP is. Family Enrichment is parenting and it's not family enrichment. But they put that name on it because it does deal with just a little bit with the problems that parents would have in their relationship and how that affects

00:19:15.900 - 00:19:45.320

their parenting skills. And the third most frequently used program, and it's probably done so because it has a catchy title. It's how to talk so kids will listen and how to listen so kids will talk. And I have the workbook over here, the group workshop kit and there's a brochure there from editorial consultants in New York. It is selling a lot these days.

00:19:45.320 - 00:20:10.620

People are buying the whole kit and looking at it and finding out there's a lot of information. The thrust in this is parenting communication. Whereas STEP is effective with every age, I believe, in family or enrichment, how to talk so kids will listen is most effective with older children and younger adolescents.

00:20:10.620 - 00:20:35.620

There's another program that is just developing now into a full-fledged workshop and it's right up here under the 25 cents, Better Parents, Better Children. And about all that it comes with are some tapes and a workbook. A workbook for a more successful family in 21 days.

00:20:35.620 - 00:20:49.280

And that can, hey, that's kind of like the book Potty Training in Less Than a Day. Yeah, did you read that? You eat the crackers and drink the water. That works well in an expanded format form.

00:20:49.280 - 00:21:01.860

Take those 21 days and do it in 21 sessions. You got it. What we have done with the STEP program is we wrote our own study guides because it

00:21:01.860 - 00:21:09.340

was getting so expensive to buy all the individual workbooks. And we ripped off material. And it's right there. And this is being taped.

00:21:09.340 - 00:21:24.460

I know that I'll probably be sued for that, but we pulled material out of the STEP program. This is one of the flip charts from STEP, and you can see one of the good things about it

00:21:24.460 - 00:21:36.340

is it has cartoons in it, and there are all kinds of good things that it has to say. Playing together, that's talking about the discipline procedures

00:21:36.340 - 00:21:49.860

and doing, taking family outings. I'm doing this because yesterday a woman said you talked a lot about it and didn't show it to us. So I'm showing this to you.

00:21:49.860 - 00:22:07.500

It comes with a leader's manual with things in it that you can use over and over again. And then a set of five tapes are in it. And then discussion guide books and discussion guides. Be patient, take one step at a time.

00:22:07.500 - 00:22:24.740

And all kinds of little hints. Mini charts and then we have added our own little posters to it for discussions that we added in. Such as how the second child would feel.

00:22:24.740 - 00:22:40.300

That better be the first child than the second child. All kinds of little things that we added in. This is all about the middle child and some problems with the middle child. You can see you can do a lot with these things.

00:22:40.300 - 00:23:12.000

There is a new workshop program that's developing out of creative discipline for young children. This is not published yet, but if you're familiar with that book, the Barbara Halbert studies, There's a work hole teacher and parent workshop that's available using what is in that book. If you're a teacher, STEP, the same group that publishes STEP, publishes STET, which

00:23:12.000 - 00:23:26.640

is Systematic Training for Effective Teaching. And it's a lot like STEP. Four churches in Dallas, Baptist churches, are using the STEP program in training their Sunday school people in systematic teaching.

00:23:26.640 - 00:23:42.440

So that's also available to you. And the How to Talk So Kids Will Listen comes with six cassette tapes and suggestions for role playing and those things. Anytime that you do one of these workshops and you are the leader, be familiar with the

00:23:42.440 - 00:23:58.000

material so much that you can go in different directions with it. If you just bring a group in and let's all listen to the tape, you've got a dull workshop that's not worth coming back 20 weeks for or 9 weeks or whatever. No one wants to come and listen to a tape.

00:23:58.000 - 00:24:11.920

I went to a horrible, horrible weekend called Preparing for Adolescence weekend where all we did was we sat in little groups and we listened to the tape. And then they turned the tape off and said, "Now let's discuss it." Well I didn't want to talk about it with anybody in the group.

00:24:11.920 - 00:24:18.680

I wanted to talk to Dobson. You know, he's the one who made the statement. He's the one who had to back it up. You know, he had the research.

00:24:18.680 - 00:24:34.800

He knew what was going on. So just sitting and listening to a tape is not effective unless you know something about what they are doing and you can back it up with your own information. Pretty dull material to just listen to a tape.

00:24:34.800 - 00:24:56.000

There also is coming available a new workshop put together by Barbara Cousins group on childhood stress, Don't Let Your Child Be a Victim. And it is a workshop, a lot like the STEP program, helping children deal with stress. And it lists the 18 major stress factors for children and how parents can help them alleviate

00:24:56.000 - 00:25:15.160

those stress factors. Now I've talked about workshops here, not film series. Are you, any of you familiar with other workshops concerning parenting that I haven't mentioned? Is there something else that you use or have used that I haven't mentioned here in the

00:25:15.160 - 00:25:35.720

workshop area that is provided? Okay. Quiet bunch now. An area that is getting a lot of attention today is fathering and there are a lot of

00:25:35.720 - 00:25:57.440

books that are being written in the area of fathering and Waylon Ward who is with Waylon Ward and Associates in Dallas who has written a lot for Dad's Only Magazine and publications like that, does a weekend workshop himself and he's the only resource for that and out of some of his writings and he's out of Dallas with Waylon Ward and Associates.

00:25:57.440 - 00:26:12.400

He used to be the director of the Dallas Christian Counseling Center and now he's broken off from that and has his own firm. So if you're in the Metroplex area, he's a valuable resource and he knows a lot of people who do counseling in specific areas.

00:26:12.400 - 00:26:22.760

And I think if you're in this area, the Dallas Christian Counseling Service is a good place to be familiar with. When I was on staff as minister to children

00:26:22.760 - 00:26:35.980

at First Baptist Garland and did referrals, we did referrals frequently to them. In fact, almost a daily referral system with them. The reason that I really do like them

00:26:35.980 - 00:26:54.840

is because I could refer someone who was having a problem say with drug dependence and they had a person who specifically dealt with those problems, a person who specifically dealt with adolescent counseling and I knew that if a parent was having a problem with a preteen that there was a person there I

00:26:54.840 - 00:27:16.500

could call their name and could get them in touch with. So diverse counseling instead of just one counselor who did it all. there is some diversity in it and they could concentrate in their area. There is a book by Don Highlander, published by Word, called Positive Parenting, which

00:27:16.500 - 00:27:44.440

is about giving your child a foundation of encouragement. And more people in the southeastern area said that they used this to base weekend workshops on. And after reading the book, discussion groups and did things out of positive parenting by Don Highlander. We've put together a series of tapes based on the book by Grace Mitchell, called A Very

00:27:44.440 - 00:28:08.700

Practical Guide to Discipline with Young Children. And it provides some answers on problems such as getting them to bed, keeping them there, why do they bite, moving over for the new baby, bribes and rewards, swearing and bathroom talk. Parents don't have to be perfect. Child abuse isn't always physical and behavior that really bugs you. So I would recommend that

00:28:08.700 - 00:28:28.000

if you're not familiar with this book, this is a good one to read. It does get some practical help for discipline with young children. The most practical books that you'll read in the area. A new book will be out in November, which will be published by Kokesberry Books, called My Kid is a Brat, Can He Help It?

00:28:28.000 - 00:28:41.000

And it's, I highly recommend that to you and I hope you buy it, 'cause I'd like to eat next year. So I would recommend that to you. And that's on kids who parents think

00:28:41.000 - 00:28:52.080

they do everything right and do all these things the right way, but their kid still turns out bratty. And you may know kids that way, you might think about your own kid.

00:28:52.080 - 00:29:02.260

Yes, and you've done everything to make them perfect and they just didn't turn out that way. And they're not just bothersome children, they're obnoxious.

00:29:02.260 - 00:29:10.460

And what do you do? Can they really help that? You know, is there something that you did wrong? Is there some environmental pressure that was there?

00:29:10.460 - 00:29:19.640

Did they mix up the babies in the hospital? What happened? How did you get this kid? And so the book provides some psychological studies

00:29:19.640 - 00:29:30.140

on some children that are obnoxious. And that's not a clinical term, that's an educational term. That's a school term. The kid is a brat.

00:29:30.140 - 00:29:44.580

And what to do with him once you find that he's in that area. Our goal is to make children lovable and make children likable people and not obnoxious. And that's what's the goal in writing the book.

00:29:44.580 - 00:30:00.820

A group called DebCon in Bloomington, Indiana. this is definitely on the resource list, has put out a series of many, many books on parenting, fathering, mothering,

00:30:00.820 - 00:30:15.180

being a sibling, Devcon out of Bloomington, Indiana. This one, this particular fathering book is The Effect of Father Absence and Inadequate Fathering on Children's Personality Development.

00:30:15.180 - 00:30:25.980

So, and it was her dissertation. So it reads like a dissertation, But the information in here, if you're working with parents, is vital to know.

00:30:25.980 - 00:30:38.500

There is a problem not only with father absence, those dads who aren't there, but with the dads who are there who don't do it the right way, who a lot of times just the physical presence of a father in the home

00:30:38.500 - 00:30:48.060

is inadequate because the father doesn't do anything to really be the father. Just being there ain't enough. And it's the quality of the time that they spend.

00:30:48.060 - 00:30:57.380

You might be familiar with two books that are currently on the market called The One Minute Mother and The One Minute Father. And the thrust of those books is not

00:30:57.380 - 00:31:08.340

that you just spend one minute. People think, boy, that'd be great, just spend one minute. But the thrust is the quality of the time that you spend with them to plan it out,

00:31:08.340 - 00:31:19.900

to think about what you're going to do, and in spending quality time with your children in just some time. I know families that spend entire days together

00:31:19.900 - 00:31:28.920

and they say, "We can't do anything with anyone else. "That's our family day together." And those are horrible days for the kids. I know a little boy who says,

00:31:28.920 - 00:31:35.780

"Saturday's our family day and I hate it." And I said, "Why?" He said, "Well, you can't do the things "that you want to do.

00:31:35.780 - 00:31:42.380

"You have to be with your family." And he's not coming through the age where he hates his family. Some children, every now and then,

00:31:42.380 - 00:31:52.420

will come through this, those are the last people I want to be with stage. But this child really doesn't want to be with him because it's poorly planned, they don't talk,

00:31:52.420 - 00:32:00.740

they do the things, you know, the parents talk to each other and the children kind of are there and the children feel like they live by interruption. You know, they interrupt,

00:32:00.740 - 00:32:08.240

they're interrupting important things. And then a little boy said, "I really don't like family night with my father." And I said, "Why not?"

00:32:08.240 - 00:32:13.520

And he said, "Well, it's better when he's not there." And I said, "Why?" And they said, "Because when he's there, "he's telling us all the things

00:32:13.520 - 00:32:28.360

"that he's missing by being with us. "And he might as well not be there. He makes the kids and the family feel so guilty for being there. And then I could tell you all kinds of horror stories about family nights, you know, one

00:32:28.360 - 00:32:44.720

from in family devotion times where kids just don't learn to love the Bible because their family studied it together. But really, you know, they say when we stop having those family devotions, I'm never opening it again because that's really an unpleasant time for them.

00:32:44.720 - 00:33:01.920

And if you think from a kid's perspective, which I try to do a lot, how much fun is it to have Exodus read to you and you have to be quiet and you want to talk to these people and you're enjoying being with them, but you're having something read to you and you don't understand what it is.

00:33:01.920 - 00:33:18.280

And most families that we talked to today who have problems with having family devotions, they don't know how to do it with children and they aren't gearing it to them. And another problem is they didn't start at the right time. don't have their kids prepared for it or they're doing it at the wrong time of day.

00:33:18.280 - 00:33:37.720

And you can tell I know some research in that, in family devotions. A child who's currently living at my house, that we're trying to build the habit of family devotions in our home is having a difficult time with it because I think it falls during prime television time.

00:33:37.720 - 00:33:50.000

And I really need to evaluate what's going to be important during that time. Of course, Bible study is more important than TV, but is it more important right then during that particular time period?

00:33:50.000 - 00:33:57.920

And are the things we're doing enough, are creative enough that will keep him coming back for it over and over and over again, that when he's not at our home,

00:33:57.920 - 00:34:07.400

he'll want to do that all on his own. So there are some good books on family devotions that are mentioned in the bibliography. I feel like I'm jumping all over the world,

00:34:07.400 - 00:34:20.640

but I have a lot to say in a short amount of time. Into film studies and film series, probably the very best one available in the market today is a series called Footsteps,

00:34:20.640 - 00:34:32.920

which is published by the Genesis Project. And you may be familiar with the Genesis Project, who were the first ones to work on the Jesus film and also on the Bible film series,

00:34:32.920 - 00:34:44.800

the Bible multimedia presentation. As kids say, the pretty ones, the ones that are really pretty movies. And the Genesis Project is out of Washington DC.

00:34:44.800 - 00:34:58.860

Now let me give you their toll free number, which is best to use. And it does take more than six weeks to receive Footsteps. Right now it takes more than eight.

00:34:58.860 - 00:35:25.460

We know that by experience. 1-800-336-4545. The Footsteps program is a series of six movies and or videotapes, workshop materials, discussion starters, and some posters.

00:35:25.460 - 00:35:43.700

It's developmentally based on, I call it light the addition theory, not a lot of it. But you can receive the brochure from them that will tell you all of the things that are offered in each movie. Right now I've only seen three of the movies, three out of the series of first three.

00:35:43.700 - 00:35:58.940

But those three are so good that I would give a real high recommendation just on what I've seen so far. One reason that I think it's so good is that it's recent and it's based on a lot of good current research and good current theory.

00:35:58.940 - 00:36:18.220

It's recommended by the National Education Association, by UNESCO, by the National Congress on Parents and Teachers by the General Federation of Women's Clubs by the National PTA Council. It was the exemplary exhibit for the International Education Exhibition in Geneva and it's been adopted as the National 4-H Project for Teenagers.

00:36:18.220 - 00:36:37.900

Not bad recommendations for a Christian film series. So it's very, very good and I would really, how much does it cost? It's expensive. The workshop cost runs right around $500 to purchase.

00:36:37.900 - 00:36:54.780

It's probably available now in rental like other film series. It is expensive. And it's very good. We've ordered it in Arlington schools now to use and very good because it presents strong

00:36:54.780 - 00:37:16.780

truth that you, you know, unless you're a person who knows the truth, you know, you just hear it as fact and as truth. But those who know truth will recognize it as being such. And I think it has a very good, very good developmental spacing.

00:37:16.780 - 00:37:37.940

It says these are things that are normal for kids to be doing. And based on the idea that children will walk in someone's footsteps and if they're walking in parents' footsteps are those good ones. Genesis Project did that.

00:37:37.940 - 00:37:53.740

Another thing I like about Footsteps and other film series that I've seen is that it does provide discussion manuals and does provide a lot of information to do after the film series. It varies in time.

00:37:53.740 - 00:38:13.960

Some of the films are 48 minutes, some are 67 minutes, the second one I saw, others are 90 minutes and longer. So they vary in the time frame, like the Dobson films vary. A problem that we always have with the Dobson films is people a lot of times show them before

00:38:13.960 - 00:38:30.400

church on Sunday evening, maybe in their church training time, and then everyone goes to church. That's probably the biggest problem I have with it, and that's just in the scheduling and the planning. Those movies are no good at all if you don't follow them up with discussion, and if you

00:38:30.400 - 00:38:45.040

don't follow it up with the time to talk about the things that the people have just seen. That's not, those aren't principles that you can just take and say everything in that is right and not discuss it. The format that they're in doesn't allow you to do that.

00:38:45.040 - 00:39:01.560

So those are best used when there can be discussion after it and people can actually find some sense of community and say, you know, do you have that problem? That's not unusual. They're entertaining but they're not educationally valuable unless they're followed by a great

00:39:01.560 - 00:39:11.640

amount of discussion. after seeing those many, many, many times. I would recommend if you're going to do that, do that series that you would use

00:39:11.640 - 00:39:24.140

a lot of conversation afterwards. When I've been on church staff and used those, we've had professionals in the parenting area who led the discussions afterwards,

00:39:24.140 - 00:39:36.960

and so could give a pediatrician's viewpoint, could give a child psychologist's viewpoint, could give their professional viewpoint after we had seen the movies. So that worked well for us.

00:39:36.960 - 00:39:55.720

A series of eight weeks. The next area would be all church emphasis. And I have some examples of some things people are doing on the board. One at the church where I was recently on staff

00:39:55.720 - 00:40:16.040

has used the entire month of February as families are for a loving month and a different emphasis each Sunday on a different facet of family life. Sunday school materials that will be available through the bibliography, which you may want to, I think I might have enough copies over here for you to take even, now are written

00:40:16.040 - 00:40:29.360

for adult Sunday school classes primarily with some activities for children and youth in that material. They were used as assembly materials for people to discuss those things. Some expanded them into more.

00:40:29.360 - 00:40:57.040

Sunday school material, then into Sunday evening sessions before Sundays was the course, "The Art of Raising Healthy Children." And it dealt with, first of all, the biblical foundation for parenting, secondly, your child's development, the third one was problems at home, and the fourth one was family solutions. And those were based in real workshop style, where there

00:40:57.040 - 00:41:11.560

There was a discussion leader who did not lecture but just gave information and then had talk back times and some workbooks to use. And you can see through the church bulletins and other things, brochure, how that was publicized and some of the things that happened.

00:41:11.560 - 00:41:26.760

First Baptist Wichita Falls has done during their pre-school and children's emphasis things like called one-shot deals, like a dad's luncheon, a dad's workshop, a mother's luncheon, a mother's workshop. The first night was Garland.

00:41:26.760 - 00:41:39.560

Our best attended times for our parents was when we did the new and expecting mothers brunches. And we did those before parent-child dedication, but we started having those periodically

00:41:39.560 - 00:41:50.320

and started being a community thrust. And a lot of people were coming to those who were brand new parents or expecting parents. And we had information from the local hospitals.

00:41:50.320 - 00:42:02.280

We had information from the Lamaze people. We had all sorts of information. And not only talking about good parenting, but all the other insights that you need in parenting.

00:42:02.280 - 00:42:14.480

Like if your child becomes sick, what do you do? How long really is reasonable to keep your child out of Sunday school when they are born? Some people-- I heard once that it's six months.

00:42:14.480 - 00:42:23.760

That's a long time. Take him to Kmart, but don't put him in Sunday school. Then he gets diseases in Sunday school, as if he doesn't in the doctor's office.

00:42:23.760 - 00:42:38.880

So there's a lot of discussion about those things. And then things like breastfeeding and all sorts of new formulas and bottles. And we made sure that in each of those small groups

00:42:38.880 - 00:42:52.120

where we had expecting mothers that we put an experienced mother in there, someone who had done this recently, who could say, now we tried those things, Huggies, and they kind of chafed the legs.

00:42:52.120 - 00:43:03.120

So we went to so and so and gave practical information that I think frustrates young mothers sometimes because there's not that extended family around to give them that information.

00:43:03.120 - 00:43:12.480

Had a couple tell me who lives in Dallas that they felt like they were just migrants living out there raising children all on their own and that they were the first people in civilization

00:43:12.480 - 00:43:20.160

ever to have a baby. And I said, "Why do you feel that way?" And they said, "Well, no one helps us. "No one tells us anything to do."

00:43:20.160 - 00:43:31.720

And you get that problem when you're removed from the extended family or removed from close friends and a place like Dallas or Fort Worth, where people move so often from one place to the next.

00:43:31.720 - 00:43:42.160

People really can feel like migrants and that they are the first ones to ever raise a baby or doing it all on their own. The other books and things you see up here

00:43:42.160 - 00:43:53.200

have been used with some success. Let me mention down at the end the name Richard Ross from Royal Haven Baptist Church in Dallas, who's put together a packet of resources for youth parents

00:43:53.200 - 00:44:00.740

and gives information of what they do in their church in working with parents of youth. Richard's been on staff of that church as youth minister now for 12 years,

00:44:00.740 - 00:44:12.480

and he, through his experience there in working with families, has built a good core of resources in working with parents of youth. Because you mentioned single parenting,

00:44:12.480 - 00:44:27.900

anything that we do in terms of parenting applies to single parents. It's just the problem with being a single parent is you do it all by yourself. So everything is compounded and we say you don't do 100% parenting, you do 150% parenting.

00:44:27.900 - 00:44:46.820

You have to do more because there are psychological needs that your children have that you're trying to fulfill that are different from other children's needs. If they were old enough during the divorce procedure or whatever, they have that stress factor in their background too.

00:44:46.820 - 00:45:12.840

know about those things and so they have specific needs. A resource that's in the San Antonio area is Gloria Smith who's with Trinity Baptist Church in San Antonio who is in the counseling program there. [BLANK_AUDIO]