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[Pause] In the state of California, single people are allowed to adopt children. And I at one time looked into it. But first I consulted with a dear friend of mine, Dr. Donald Paul Hemus,

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who is one of California's best-known pediatricians, and indeed an adjunct professor of pediatric medicine at the University of Southern California. Dr. Paul Hemus said to me that I should not adopt a child. He said, "If you adopt an older child, the only older children available for adoption

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have some type of physical or emotional problem, and you would not be prepared to deal with that. If you adopted an infant, you are away from home so much, the infant would have to be in the care of another, and this would not be as it ought to be. And besides," he said, "and this is most important of all,

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as a pastor, you are to look upon all of the children of the congregation as your daughters and your sons." Well, I took his counsel, and I did what he suggested. I did not adopt a child.

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But that hasn't kept me from imagining what it would be like to have a son or a daughter. I've observed children, I've read a lot about children, and I've counseled with many parents and with many children. But of course I know many of you are still thinking that, well,

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the reading and the counseling and the observation may have been good, but you don't really know what it's like until you have one. I suppose that's true. Yet this morning as I talk about my daughter, my dream daughter,

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I ask that you will accept in it anything that's good, and with the breath of kindness, blow the rest away. If I were to write a letter to the daughter of my dreams, on the first page I would make very clear to her

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that I was not trying to live my life through her. A lot of youngsters are crippled because their parents are trying to live through them, which brings us to this New Testament story this morning.

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Herodias resented John the Baptist because John pointed out that she was a very sinful woman, but she had no opportunity to get at John until that day when her daughter danced before King Herod,

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and Herod enjoyed the dance so much he said, "I'll give you anything you want up to half my kingdom." So what did the girl do? She did what a lot of youngsters do.

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She went to her mother and said, "What shall I ask?" Think of the opportunities that were there. Ask for half the kingdom. Ask for the best education that money can afford.

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Ask for the opportunity to praise God and to give offerings to the poor. All kinds of very worthy suggestions could have come from that mother

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to the benefit of her daughter and the kingdom. But what did the mother say? Ask for the head of John the Baptizer on a platter. She used her daughter's opportunity

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to gain her own revenge. Well, there are a lot of parents who use their children to gain their own goals. "I pay the money, so why shouldn't I make the choices?"

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A long time ago, Immanuel Kant, the great German philosopher, said that parents usually educate their children merely in such a manner that however bad the world may be, they may adapt themselves to its present conditions.

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What he's saying is that many parents bring up their children so that the children develop characters like chameleons, fitting in to everything that society demands in order that they might be able to get the very most from it.

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I would not do that to my daughter. If she came to me and said, "What shall I ask?" I would not try to give her my desires. I would rather seek to set her free to the fulfillment of her own.

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Now, on the second page of my letter, I would talk about the importance of faith in God through Jesus Christ. I would point out to her that the longest love affair of my life has been with Jesus Christ.

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There's a story told of a babysitter who on one occasion was having trouble with some misbehaving children, so she said to them, "I'm going to tell your father when you get home, "and he won't love you anymore."

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And when he got home, she told him, and right after she told him, the little girl ran and jumped into her father's arms and said, "Daddy, do you still love me?" And he looked at her and said, "Dear one, when you are good,

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"I love you with a love that is glad, "and when you are bad, I love you with a love that is sad, "but whether you are good or bad, I will always love you, "for I am your daddy."

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I would want my daughter to see that kind of love in me, for we know that most youngsters' view of God is a translation of what they see in the lives of their own parents. I would hope that I could show my daughter how to trust God.

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Do you remember what the psalmist said? "Trust in the Lord and do good, so you will dwell in security." That's what I would try to convince her of when she came, when more profound questions came.

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When, for example, she came to me one day to talk about something like sex or premarital sexual adventuring, I would hope that by that time she would have a deep enough appreciation for God's love and God's wisdom that she would be able to know

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that what God said about such things was not just an order that he might establish rules and regulations, but rather it was an expression of his love and concern. I hope she'd understand that premarital sex is disappointing

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because it's done on a hit-and-run basis and has none of the art of love about it. I hope she'd understand that out of such premarital adventuring oft times comes frigidity because of the scars that are left.

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I hope she'd grasp that that kind of activity often fosters guilt because it's done in a furtive manner and secrets grow up within the family and tear at the fabric of family unity. I hope she would grasp that that kind of sex often leads to broken hearts

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because it's almost invariably based on some kind of uneven commitment where one is ready to do more than the other. I hope she'd grasp that that kind of sex, because of the way God has made sex,

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well, that kind of sex loses its beauty and it stains the purity of the marriage that is to come when one wants to offer all that one has and discovers that part of it is already gone.

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I'd hope she'd grasp those things as expressions of the love of God. You know, when Edward VIII abdicated the throne of Great Britain for the woman he loved, many people were deeply touched with his sacrifice.

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But I would want my daughter to understand that the sacrifice of God was infinitely greater, that he stepped down from the throne of heaven in the person of his own son and lived and died and rose again,

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not only that she might have life eternal, but life in its fullness here and now. So when she came to me and said, "What shall I ask?" I'd ask for her to know the love of God in everything that she does.

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On the third page of my letter, I'd say something to her about her friends. We all need to have friends. We're not designed to live solitary lives.

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That's the reason solitary confinement is such an awful thing. We are built to have our heartstrings tangled. And I would want my home to be a place where my daughter would come with her friends at any time.

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When I was a boy, there was one house we could never play there because they were so careful of their grass. And I used to wonder whether they were raising children or raising lawns. Well, the children would be welcome in my home.

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And I would hope that my daughter would have a variety of friends. I've just finished reading Dr. Robert Cole's-- he's on the faculty of Harvard University-- his new book, "The Moral Life of Children."

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And in that book, he points out that children gain most of their moral instruction through their parents and also through their friends. And this would lead me to hope

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that my daughter would have friends of many different stripes. I grew up in a rather sheltered environment, in a town where almost everybody was Republican and almost everybody was Presbyterian,

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everybody combed their hair the same way. It was the kind of place where I never heard the other side in any labor management squabble. Then I went to my first pastorate in McKeesport, Pennsylvania,

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and suddenly I heard the blue-collar side of things. And I wish I would have known some of those things earlier. So I would want my daughter to have economic perspective and social perspective and political perspective

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and racial perspective. We know that racial prejudice is not something that is inherent in a child. It is something that is taught to a child. Intolerance is something that is learned.

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And I would want her to have-- Well, to have life, but not in a ghetto. I don't mean a white ghetto or a black ghetto. I mean, I wouldn't want her to live in either one.

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I wouldn't want her to live in a rich ghetto or a poor ghetto. I wouldn't want her to live in an urban ghetto or in a rural ghetto. I'd want her to have a wide circle of associations. And I would hope that out of these friends,

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she'd have at least one good teacher friend. Some years ago, John Fitzgerald Kennedy had a great dinner at the White House to which he invited poets and philosophers and sculptors and painters and musicians. And one of the people invited was our own Pennsylvania James Michener.

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And Michener sent a letter to Kennedy, and he said, "Mr. President, I'm very sorry. I won't be able to accept your invitation. "But you see, on the same night as your party, "we're having a 50th anniversary celebration for one of my grade school teachers.

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"In a lifetime, one is possibly going to know several good presidents, "but only one really good teacher." Well, I would hope that my daughter would have at least one good teacher friend. I think this morning of Miss Colvin, who taught me in the fourth grade,

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she was the one who taught me how to do long division, to the degree that I know it. [laughter] And she was the first one to ever say to anyone in our family

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that she knew I was going to go into the ministry. I remember when she was dying of cancer, I was in seminary, then I went to visit her. And I remember even thinking to myself

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that there probably wouldn't be many who would remember her. And I came back, and I made my visit a beautiful visit, for she was strong in faith, a great Methodist. And I was about to leave, and she said, "Would you like to sign my guest book?"

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And I went over, and there was this book with hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of names inside. I hope my daughter would have a teacher, at least one like that. And I hope that she would have at least one neighbor

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who was her good friend and of a different ethnic background. I remember Mrs. Feok. Mrs. Feok was a great big heavy lady, and she was Czechoslovakian. And she spoke with very broken speech,

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but she made the best anise cookies in the whole world. And on the walls of her home were paintings which they had brought from the old country. And there was one of a cavalry charge that I really loved.

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And she used to sit on the front porch on a rocker, and when our ball would go up onto her porch, she would grab her broom as if she was going to paddle us when we came up to get it.

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It was a big game, and we loved her for it. In Ecclesiastes, it says, "Two are better than one, "for if one fall, well, then the other will lift them. "If two lie down together, they will be warm,

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"but how can one be warm alone? "One is easily defeated, but two can withstand an attack." We need friends, so when my daughter said, "What shall I ask?" I would say to her, "Ask for strong friends."

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And on the fourth page of my letter, I would say to her that I hope she wouldn't bind herself to only those roles traditionally given to women in society. Oh, it's okay if she wants to be a mother

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and she wants to have all the blessings of that and let that be her experience of service. That will be fine. But I've been in so many homes where I've said to a little boy,

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"What do you want to be?" And he told me everything from an astronaut to a fireman. And then I turned to the little girl, and I said, "What do you want to be?"

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And her eyes kind of glaze over, and she says, "I'll get married and have children." I don't want my daughter to be like some kind of salmon who at the appropriate time swims up the stream

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in order to become a wife and the mother of his children. If she wanted to play with dolls, I'd give her dolls, and if she wanted to play with a steam shovel, I'd give her a steam shovel.

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If she wanted a cooking set, that's what she'd have, and if she wanted a chemistry set, that's what she'd have. They just did a study, you know, of 50 different children's books, the most popular ones in America.

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They discovered in every one, Dad was bigger than Mother, that in more than two-thirds of them, Dad, or a male figure, was the central figure of the story. Only 10% of the dialogue was given over to women.

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Women in the stories were always seen in the context of the home. The boys in the story are very aggressive, and the girls very passive. And there were three times as many stories

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where the boy was the hero rather than the girl being the heroine. You know how they used to go, "I'll steer the sled, Jane. You sit behind me and hang on." [laughter]

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Well, when she came to me and said, "What shall I ask?" I would say, "One day Jesus went to a home where there were two women, and one woman spent the time in the kitchen and the other sat at Jesus' feet,"

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which was quite a remarkable thing for women to do in those days. And the one in the kitchen came out and complained about it, and Jesus said about the one who was sitting at his feet, "She has chosen the better part,

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so my daughter, do whatever God has gifted you to do." And on the fifth page, I would give to her my promise of time. Do you notice how quick things are now? I've noticed that even when they say

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we're going to have a minute of remembrance, it only lasts about 20 seconds. Masterpieces are put into comic books. It seems that all of life is being run by the yellow pages.

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If it's true that family life is the bow from which the children are shot, then it seems to me that the bow needs a lot of care, so I would want to spend time with the family. I have a friend in the ministry in Brainerd, Minnesota,

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and I was preaching there for him and his church in January one year. Brainerd, Minnesota is not a good place to be in January, but I was there. And the children showed me what they'd gotten for Christmas. He had two little girls,

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and the things that they treasured the most were their calendars. You see, their daddy had given to each of them a separate calendar, and marked in each month for each one of them was a special date that that little girl would have with her dad.

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Fishing or going to the movies or bowling or out for dinner, 12 dates set across the months of the year, beautifully and perfectly placed, and the children delighted in them. I'd want holidays to be good times for my daughter,

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and birthdays, too, and vacations. I'd want her to build up a file of memories. I've got a good file. I remember my father taking me to the New York World's Fair in 1941.

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I remember the night we sat too close to the fireworks on the 4th of July, and they all came down on our head. I remember the year I promised to make the Valentine box for the 4th grade and then couldn't do it, and my brother pulled me through.

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I remember the vacation at Canadota where we went for nine days, and it rained day and night for nine days and nine nights. I remember going to the zoo. I remember my mother patiently teaching me the speech

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that I was to give in the second grade play when I performed the part of George Washington. Jesus said, "Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not." I'd want to have time for my children,

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and that would mean time given to the church, of course. I would want the classrooms that my children went into in the church to be bright and cheerful and to be equipped to the best degree that they can be and the very best curriculum, nothing cheap or ineffectual.

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I'd be leery of churches who advertised for someone to teach in the church school. What would you think of a public school system that said, "We'll just run an ad for anybody that wants to teach, "and the first warm body that gets near will stick in the job"?

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I would want to take my turn as a teacher, and if I was gifted in it, then I would want to spend more time at that. I would want to teach in a way that a church is a team, and a team does not function unless it works together.

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And all of us, as we did here in this moment of baptism this morning, have committed ourselves by being here and by praying to making this a place where children will grow in the wisdom and the stature and the knowledge of God.

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I would want that to happen for my girl. Oh, I know that some of you are scoffing. You're saying, "Well, all of that's very easy to say, but it's harder to do," and I'm sure that's right.

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I want you to understand that I recognize that I would have to work very hard to do these things. I haven't succeeded to the degree I would like in any area of my life, and so I probably wouldn't succeed in this one either.

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No area of my life has lived up at the summit, and I would want my daughter to know that. I wouldn't want to claim more faith than I had. I wouldn't want to say I believe in Jesus and then show anxiety or fear

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or uncontrolled anger or any of those things which make our claims to faith look ridiculous and make the faith itself sometimes look absurd. You may scoff at me if you will,

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but it wouldn't bother me if my daughter were to say in my latter years or after I was gone, "Well, he never made it," as long as she'd also say, "But he never stopped trying." I would never want to claim more of Christ than I had

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or live less of Christ than I knew. Well, my letter is already too long. I wish there could be other pages. I wish I could tell her to receive everything

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but to hold on to only a few things, to love life so much that she wouldn't have to fear death, to be intolerant toward those things in life which are unutterably intolerable,

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to hang on to her sense of wonder every time she looked at the sky or the stars or the sea. I would want her to love truth so that she hated lies, and I would want her to learn how to forgive

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so that she could herself know the joys of being forgiven. And I'd want her to know much more than all of this, but my time is gone, and so is my daughter, for she was just a dream, just a fantasy,

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just an illusion for the moment. But still, in my thoughts at least, I bend over her and I kiss her forehead and I say to her, "Good night, dear one.

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Good night and good morning and a clear dawn." Let us pray. Father, I know you are all wise

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and therefore that your providential leadings are right, and so I yield to your will and singularity, but I must confess that sometimes I find it hard to understand how some are given children

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and then devote themselves to other lesser things. God bless our parents. God bless all parents everywhere, and bless their daughters and their sons.

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And may we all, at last, knowing Jesus Christ as Lord, rejoice in life here and rejoice in life hereafter, for we pray it in his precious name. Amen.

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[The End] [The End]